You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
