I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
