The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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