So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
