just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In other news, I just burned my penis
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize