Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
