Dude my mom stole all your condoms
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
