i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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