remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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