stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
