Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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