i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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