What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can Purell be used as lube?
ugly people sure do ruin things
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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