I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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