You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
