I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
