Pappa wants mamma naked
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
someone owes me an orgasm
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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