Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
