wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
