I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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