he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
