You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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