Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
