Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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