Life is so much better after having sex.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why is your signature on my underwear?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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