i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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