I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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