man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
