Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just pee around me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
