People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
