Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
