Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
