I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
