Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
