went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
