I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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