She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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