that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
