Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
