dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
