I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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