i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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