addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
