wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It all started with a game of naked twister.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
