im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
