He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Watching her eat just hurts me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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