when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
