worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
