Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
love makes seman taste better
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
