Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
