Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
