I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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