it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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