I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
