cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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