so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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