He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Even the bartender felt bad for me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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