Soap is not a condiment
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
