Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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